12-28-2008, 11:02 AM
I was thinking of your retail thread the day after christmas. Absolutely hilarious. My kids get all these gift cards and such for gamestop thanks to jan and my sister. So off they send me to gamestop to get all this guitar hero / rock band crap. Now i'm dreading this as i hate this whole chain of stores filled with pimple popping house bound agoraphobes who've never seen a grown woman naked but think that finishing halo 12 is the highlight of a life well lived.
i mean i hate this store. i'd love nothing more than to grab every one of these little pencil necked turds with their unkempt filthy hair right by their damned piercings and smash their heads into the countertop until they learned A. some respect for others B. some respect for themselves and C. the proper way to conduct business.
it's a goddamned john rocker freak show and there i am. At the back of the line. Waiting. and waiting and waiting and waiting. Now if you know anything about me i hate waiting to pay for anything. there would be no waiting if things were properly organized and properly managed. period. shit should run like a goddamned visa commercial. but no. you get a bunch of 18 year olds with the sage 25 year old as the manager and all hell breaks loose. and there i wait. fuming. popping a xanax. wondering the workout i was giving my lisinopril dosage and waiting to choke the first person that lends me the opportunity.
finally nearer to the front of the line so i can actually see the oasis of a cash register well staffed by 3 teenage turds. This woman about 4 in front of me goes to return some xbox 360 game that doesn't work with her son. Zits tells her, "i don't know how to do that. sorry bro" and then calls the next customer. well unbeknownst to zits said woman's large husband was leaning on a stack of large guitar hero wii boxes. This dude makes one fluid movement. shit it looked like he teleported. blammo he's right on the register puts his finger in the kid's face and goes bullshit! how about this fucking guy? can he do it? and then motions to the 25 year old lord of the flies manager. kid goes pale white.
now i'm standing there holding my load of crap and sensing my opening. What followed was absolutely the most poetic and beautiful 15 minute streem of consciousness rant that had the whole crowd of adults cheering, laughing, mocking the management and at one point applauding. Now i'm pretty sure it's illegal to incite a riot but any of you who know me know i have a big mouth and that once it gets started look out. I'm mocking these kids mercillesly. i get up there ask for a mic for the stupid rock band game. kid gives me something marked for some other game. i go will this work with rock band? he goes i don't know. i ask for the manager. 25 year old fur faced chinstrap boy comes over. i ask the same question. get the same answer. so i turn to my throng and go hey dig this stumpy wants me to spend $50 on something that may or may not work. anyone see the logic in that? but then again what do you expect when the guy in charge's left testicle hasn't descended yet. blammo more hilarity. and on and on this went. i ask for a logitech psp case. clearly marked logitech on it. stumpy brings back something that says god of war. i said no and back we go. i ask for another psp case. this one the nerf one for the psp slim for my other kid. christ as my witness zippy comes back with the same goddamned god of war case that i didn't want ten minutes ago. so i go to the manager. listen zippy the wondertwit is having some issues this morning as it looks like he just got out of bed so could you go get me the nerf case now please? off he goes and returns with my case. he dispatches zippy to straighten the empty shelves as it now appears the crowd is going to lynch him.
finally i get all my crap. i've got three guitar hero games. the guitar hero world tour box thing. some more rock band crap. their fearless leader is ringing like mad now. i take out the stack of gift cards. he swipes them. i apologize for not knowing that's what i had to do. he says no problem he has to do it anyway or something. now what i bought was more than the gift cards. so i'm filing through my wallett for my credit card to cover the balance. imagine my surprise when the uber genius hands me back one gift card. then another and says that one still has $1 something on it. smiling all puppy just pissed the rug at me. as i'm walking out the others on line are wishing me a merry christmas, happy new year. one dude patted me on the back.
Now I'm an honorable guy most of the time. i bite my tongue when i can. turn the other cheek and all. but this one I'm like eff him. I take the cards. Say thank you. Shove the crap under may arm and triumphantly drive home paying far less than i should have. for once i figure i've one won. just one time. and i'm pleased as punch. I figure if they're stupid enough to employ these idiots and foist their stupidity on the general public they deserve the consequences. besides it was for my kids. i came home they all were ooohhhing and ahhing , i set it up and we all played a triumphant round of down with the sickness together.
tank makes santa appear to make his kids christmas. the robfather goes all satan on a bunch of teenager's to make his kid's christmas. [lol]
i mean i hate this store. i'd love nothing more than to grab every one of these little pencil necked turds with their unkempt filthy hair right by their damned piercings and smash their heads into the countertop until they learned A. some respect for others B. some respect for themselves and C. the proper way to conduct business.
it's a goddamned john rocker freak show and there i am. At the back of the line. Waiting. and waiting and waiting and waiting. Now if you know anything about me i hate waiting to pay for anything. there would be no waiting if things were properly organized and properly managed. period. shit should run like a goddamned visa commercial. but no. you get a bunch of 18 year olds with the sage 25 year old as the manager and all hell breaks loose. and there i wait. fuming. popping a xanax. wondering the workout i was giving my lisinopril dosage and waiting to choke the first person that lends me the opportunity.
finally nearer to the front of the line so i can actually see the oasis of a cash register well staffed by 3 teenage turds. This woman about 4 in front of me goes to return some xbox 360 game that doesn't work with her son. Zits tells her, "i don't know how to do that. sorry bro" and then calls the next customer. well unbeknownst to zits said woman's large husband was leaning on a stack of large guitar hero wii boxes. This dude makes one fluid movement. shit it looked like he teleported. blammo he's right on the register puts his finger in the kid's face and goes bullshit! how about this fucking guy? can he do it? and then motions to the 25 year old lord of the flies manager. kid goes pale white.
now i'm standing there holding my load of crap and sensing my opening. What followed was absolutely the most poetic and beautiful 15 minute streem of consciousness rant that had the whole crowd of adults cheering, laughing, mocking the management and at one point applauding. Now i'm pretty sure it's illegal to incite a riot but any of you who know me know i have a big mouth and that once it gets started look out. I'm mocking these kids mercillesly. i get up there ask for a mic for the stupid rock band game. kid gives me something marked for some other game. i go will this work with rock band? he goes i don't know. i ask for the manager. 25 year old fur faced chinstrap boy comes over. i ask the same question. get the same answer. so i turn to my throng and go hey dig this stumpy wants me to spend $50 on something that may or may not work. anyone see the logic in that? but then again what do you expect when the guy in charge's left testicle hasn't descended yet. blammo more hilarity. and on and on this went. i ask for a logitech psp case. clearly marked logitech on it. stumpy brings back something that says god of war. i said no and back we go. i ask for another psp case. this one the nerf one for the psp slim for my other kid. christ as my witness zippy comes back with the same goddamned god of war case that i didn't want ten minutes ago. so i go to the manager. listen zippy the wondertwit is having some issues this morning as it looks like he just got out of bed so could you go get me the nerf case now please? off he goes and returns with my case. he dispatches zippy to straighten the empty shelves as it now appears the crowd is going to lynch him.
finally i get all my crap. i've got three guitar hero games. the guitar hero world tour box thing. some more rock band crap. their fearless leader is ringing like mad now. i take out the stack of gift cards. he swipes them. i apologize for not knowing that's what i had to do. he says no problem he has to do it anyway or something. now what i bought was more than the gift cards. so i'm filing through my wallett for my credit card to cover the balance. imagine my surprise when the uber genius hands me back one gift card. then another and says that one still has $1 something on it. smiling all puppy just pissed the rug at me. as i'm walking out the others on line are wishing me a merry christmas, happy new year. one dude patted me on the back.
Now I'm an honorable guy most of the time. i bite my tongue when i can. turn the other cheek and all. but this one I'm like eff him. I take the cards. Say thank you. Shove the crap under may arm and triumphantly drive home paying far less than i should have. for once i figure i've one won. just one time. and i'm pleased as punch. I figure if they're stupid enough to employ these idiots and foist their stupidity on the general public they deserve the consequences. besides it was for my kids. i came home they all were ooohhhing and ahhing , i set it up and we all played a triumphant round of down with the sickness together.
tank makes santa appear to make his kids christmas. the robfather goes all satan on a bunch of teenager's to make his kid's christmas. [lol]
