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La Gloria Cubana plus a contest.
So a while back La Gloria Cubana had a contest. A while later they let more know I won a 5 pack of cigars. I was really excited. A couple weeks later they emailed me to let me know they liked my entry so much that on top of the 5 pack I won I would also be getting a whole box of cigars!

I was really excited.

I got to look over their cigars and pick two and they would send me one. I ended up receiving a box of their artisenos de Miami which are excellent.

So I am offering a contest to share my good luck.

Thomas and I have been really stressed out. Whoever can tell me the funniest story that we both laugh the hardest at will win some of these fine cigars. Contest ends in 7 days.
Two peanuts were walking down the road......

One was assaulted...
(09-09-2012, 01:06 AM)Oblongfungus Wrote: Two peanuts were walking down the road......

One was assaulted...

Hee haa haa. Leave it to a guy in a fairy costume to tell that one lol. Congrats on the win
Git R Dun!
Hi. I can tell you my embarrassing story.

When I was 21 and wild I was out drinking with friends and we stopped at a mini mart. I asked for the key to the bathroom so the attendant behind the counter puts a huge plastic jar (like some of those long beef jerkey sticks come in), I look at it in disbelief for a long moment of silence then respond with telling him off saying there is no way I want to use that jar that I wanted to use the bathroom like a human.

The poor guy just let me ramble on, then finally when I shut up he points in the jar and says "The key is hanging inside the jar from a string"

I took the key chain jar and in silence walk outside.
My friends never let me live this one down.

“Evil is sweet in the beginning, but bitter in the end.”
The year is 1985-86 and a chubby young me is 6 or 7 years old.

Some friends of my parents have a hobby farm, and are taking a trip to England. They ask my parents if we would be able to take care of their animals while they are on vacation.

So for 2 weeks every day after school my Mom & I drive over to their farm to feed and water the animals. About a week and a half in we pull into the farm one afternoon and there in the yard stands our friends ram sheep named Rambo. (His name is Rambo because of how mean he is) My Mom and I spend several minutes in the vehicle strategizing how we're going to get Rambo back into his pen.

I finally have a great idea. I will get Rambo's food bucket, and head toward his pen. Rambo will follow me right in, thinking it's time for supper. Rambo's "pen" is an old cow pasture a little bigger than a football field with grass that reached almost to the waist of a young fellow like me.

I grab Rambo's bucket and start heading to the pen. Just as I predicted, Rambo starts following me. I get into the pen, and head towards his food trough. Rambo follows me right in, and Mom swings the gate shut. Problem solved!

It was right about this time that Rambo realized that the bucket in my hand was empty. This apparently was very upsetting to the hungry sheep who stood between me and the exit. He looked at me and started stomping his feet, and swinging his head. I said "Mom, I think you'd better open the gate" as I started to angle for the exit. Rambo, who was apparently a master strategist, saw me angling for the exit and moved to cut me off. He stomped his foot again, let out a long low Baaaaa and charged.

Mom screamed "Run Ben Run"

And run I did, but Rambo had the jump on me. I turned and got about two steps before the first time he rammed me in the backside. It literally picked me right up off of my feet. But I landed in mid sprint and kept going. I'm sure if must have looked like something out of Looney Tunes where the feet are moving in the air and you take off when you hit the ground.

But I kept running. Unfortunately in the long grass I can't run very fast, so about ever dozen or so steps Rambo smokes me again. I've made about a half lap around the pasture and am angling for the gate. I scream at my Mom to open the gate and let me out. But, through her strangled laughter all I catch is something about not letting Rambo get out again. Then I see my Mom literally on the ground, because she is laughing so hard. I knew then that I was F'ed!

So for what seems like an eternity it goes like this. Run, run, run, baaaaaa, WHAM - repeat!! By the time I completed a lap, I'm certain that by @ss has been turned into hamburger. I'm getting to tired to run very well, plus my sobbing is really messing up my breathing! I make another half lap, getting pounded the whole time, and then inspiration strikes.

The fence is an old school 3 rail fence. I'm going to head straight for the fence, and spring off of the bottom rail, vaulting myself out of this pasture of hell.

I sprint as hard as I can for the fence, trying to block out the sheep that's viciously assaulting my hind end. I get to the fence, my foot hits the bottom rail.... and the rail snaps right in half.

There I lay in a crying heap, and Rambo is on me in a heartbeat. Baaaa-Wham, Baaaa-Wham, Baaaa-Wham. Every time I try to get up, he knocks me back down. Finally, I'm able to crawl out under the fence, and I laie in the grass crying & trying to catch my breath.

My Mom is laughing so hard she pretty much has to crawl over to where I am. She asks me if I am okay, and I said that I thought so.
Her reply:
"Thank God you're all right Ben"
Then she said
"If only I would've had a video camera, that was the funniest sh!t I ever saw!"
Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return to the fine simplicity of our forefathers.
Very nice contest. I need to start thinking.
They call me The Mum - Jimmie the Mum
Viva Mumcero - Mahk 12/4/2010 -
Honorary Shield Brother
Weak people seek Revenge, Strong people Forgive, Intelligent people Ignore
Gonna be hard to top Ben's story, I am already in tears from laughter LOL

Congrats on your win and thanks for the contest.
I've got a story that happened more recently that I just need to type up... It evolves much blushing on my part and keeping a Russian woman out of my pants.
If it is anything like trying to keep Russian men out of your pants I find myself torn between sympathy and congratulations. In my day I was rather fond of Russian men. And vodka. Wink
Ok folks less talking about thinking of good stories and more posting of stories. I need a laugh dammit.

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