Ethics and Friendship

[BigE]

Over the last few years I have reached a watershed in my personal relationships.  I have been been discovering and exploring the depths both within myself and of those close to me.  Some things I had considered sacred are now trivial... some people I have considered friends are now not, and vice versa.  My priorities have changed and my outlook on life in general has "evolved".  I am comfortable with the person I have become.

The main stimulus toward this change was the company I kept.  As I look back on it, very few of the people that I kept close I would now regard as "friends".  They were, for the most part, a drain on my life and not ethical people.  Some I now keep at arm's distance, others I have cut out of my life completely.  Those that I now regard as friends I am trying to become closer to, though it is hard considering my previous attitude towards them... nonetheless I will try as best I know how to make things right.  I have also redefined what is important to me in life and am putting all my strength into my new endeavors.  I am now making a more precise definition on what is right and wrong, and am standing my ground in defense of it.

 

My questions to you are:

What is your definition of an ethical person?  (We have many different people of different beliefs and religions, and while it is important to you and helps define you, I want to know what the core of your belief is, without the dogma or scripture... what do you think?)

How do you define a friend? 

Have you ever had such a watershed event in your life?

 

Disclaimer: this is not a cry for help so much as an "open forum" that I didn't know where to post...  nevetheless, express your opinion.

[Vitamin G]

My personal belief is that EVERYONE is an ethical person, its just a  matter of if my personal ethos is compatible with theirs.  Everyone will act in accordance with their own ethos, or they would either change the behavior, or change their view of their own ethical code.  

My favorite line is from one of those crappy motivational posters you see in the corridors of almost any "we try too hard" company.


"Leadership is what you do when people are watching.  Ethics are what happens when NO ONE is watching".

[Roukill]

There is only one choice in life: to choose between good and evil

We should strive to become a better person and I choose my friends that help me become a better person.

I've unloaded all that drama years ago and it has improved my life tremendously, if those old friends grow in maturity, I am always there to reconnect.

Life is too short.... this is not a "dress rehearsal"  This has become more important to me recently--- a friend of mine (similar age and profession) was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor, he won't survive.

[crowb8]

A friend is someone you connect with on almost every level. Someone who will do anything for you, even if it means personal sacrifice. A friend is someone who, when do you don't see or connect with them for long periods, months, maybe even years and when you do, he's the same old friend. You can pick up right where you left off.

You may think you have lots of friends. But let something serious happen to you, money or health problems. You'll find out who your friends are. Your REAL friends, and some of them may surprise you. That has happened to me a couple of times in my life. I learned to cherish my real friends, because I found out I didn't have that many real ones in those times of crisis.

I recently had the chance to go fishing with an old buddy whom I now only get to visit with once a year, when he comes to Fla. Looking back, I realize he's the best friend I've ever had and I told him that this year. It made me feel great.

[pirate2]

[flash]

I heard it said once that "The moral choice between good and evil, is not a choice. One must do good. A moral choice is between two evils."

How many people purposly go out and harm others? There are ofcourse some that do, and they are generally regarded as immoral. But the choice between letting your family suffer in poverty, or robbing a well to do ocuple on their way home from the opera, is one of personal morals, between two evils.

[Roukill]

I heard it said once that "The moral choice between good and evil, is not a choice. One must do good. A moral choice is between two evils."

How many people purposly go out and harm others? There are ofcourse some that do, and they are generally regarded as immoral. But the choice between letting your family suffer in poverty, or robbing a well to do ocuple on their way home from the opera, is one of personal morals, between two evils.

If the choice for an "evil" act has been made, then there is no morality. Otherwise morality will be on a sliding slope

[goodfellamatt78]

This may sound trivial but an ethical person to me is someone who simply just isn't a piece of shit. I know that may come off strong and kind of undefined but we all know what a piece of shit is.

As for me, I'd rather have 2 or even just one really good friends thatn a bunch. I still keep some of the same company that I did in high school but it's different when we hang out now. I think I'm getting old for that anti-production thing that we used to do. I need friends that make me piss my pants from laughing. A few of my friends are really different since high school and we don't really have anything in common. Some are funny and we relate, but suck at returning messages and phone calls. In fact, I can honestly say that those BOTL that I've come in contact with on stogiechat are better at being a friend that some of my old ones.

[Parkster]

Hmm ...... where to start ...... such a heavy subject matter.

Ethics, without the religion aspect, can be measured in many ways in my opion.

I can measure a mans ethics by his willingness to help others or not.
I can measure a mans work ethic, by his focus on doing the job as opposed to trying to avoid the job at hand.
I can measure a mans ethics regarding his relationship with his wife .... does he screw around behind her back, if so, then I know he would fuck me over without a second thought.

Ethics covers so many aspects of any human, but I suppose it can be decided on by what YOU think is the wrong or right thing to do.

I used to get hung up on ethics ....... then it all of a sudden struck me that some people simply cant see what they are doing is wrong .... or at least wrong in my mind.

Example.

Man works hard all week for a shit pay, then on the way home on pay day, stops in a bar and spends most of it on beer and gets fall down drunk.

Is he wrong for wanting to escape from his labours of the past week, is he wrong for wanting to forget that he has it all to do again in the coming week ....... for some men out there he has done nothing wrong and will do the same again every week because he earned it in his eyes.

My ehtics are that I would rather walk around in rags than let my girls go without ......... and that is wrong in the other guys eyes.

Good or evil is also a way of measuring ethics, but then you begin to border on the religion side of ethics.

Right or wrong = ethical or unethical?







A friend?

Now this is also a hard one to quantify if you over complicate it.

I suppose it depends on what your personal definition is, or what your personal criteria is.

For me, in some respects, a friend wont agree with me simply to keep the peace, he wont change who he is to suit me and vice versa. He wont force his opinion on me but would rather agree to disagree that the subject is maybe something we dont see eye to eye with, and simply move on from there.

A friend will be there when you need them to be, a true friend will know when that is.

For me it is all too easy to over analise what a perfect friend is, there are no such things as perfect friends. We know in our hearts who in our groups of friends are good for us, who are bad for us, who are leeching off of us, who we leech off of, who its good to be seen with and who we are embariced to be seen with who we make time for and who me make excuses to avoid.

All of these people make us who we are ......... think about it long enough and you will see that we have a little piece of each and every one of them in our own personality. Being a true friend to yourself is probably the most important thing.




For me the change in my life is that I now accept the regrets I had as part of me growing and maturing, I accept that I cant change the poor decisions I have made in the past, and now recognise that these are the things that have made me who I am today.

The people who are still standing at my side are my friends.

[Not A Nice Person]

Heathens set a pretty high value on honor and personal integrity. So much so that when one of us swears an oath, we include the words "so long as I still live" so that, worst comes to worst . . . we'll always have that out, and won't EVER have to fail our oaths.

Ethics = integrity, and if integrity is a hat you put on when it's raining, rather than an internal organ you can't live without, IMHO you're doing it wrong.

A true friend is a Shield Brother. In the old days, disputes were sometimes settled by a ritual duel known as a holmgang. LIke 13th Warrior, each man got three shields, but the similarity ends there. In holmgang, your Shield Brother, not you, held the shields and blocked your opponent's first three blows.

If you can trust someone like that . . . [thumbsup]

NANP™
[cigar]

[Skipper the cigar aFISHinodo]

I keep my life simple.

Ethics are whatever you are comfortable with. So an ethical person will not make me uncomfortable.

Friends are those who do not judge and whom you would not or do not judge.


I reach these watersheds every few hours.