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How do YOU handle the family?
#1
So my wife, who has been understanding about my smoking cigars even though she doesn't agree with it, comes home tonight after stopping by her parents home.  Seems the parents are handling a lot of issues all at once and topping it off a relative has taken up cigar smoking and his wife called my MIL about it.  Everyone on that side of the family is upset (except him, probably) and beside themselves because they're not able to differentiate between cigarettes and cigars in addition to the doctor telling him it wasn't good for him due to his family health history.

My wife is now concerned about her parents reaction when one day they discover that their SIL has a fairly serious penchant for the leaf as well.  Serious enough, in fact, that he's been known to give advice to the Deacons who partake as to what they might like to try next in their pursuit of cigar-perfection.

My initial response is "Let the chips fall where they might and we'll address it with them when it happens..." but at the same time her Father lost his dad to cancer and again, anything that might affect your health adversely they feel you should avoid.

I'm usually the "peacekeeper" of groups, though this one is not one on which I'm budging.  The question really becomes does anyone here have any similar situations and how have you handled it, other than telling them to go mind their own business or trying to convince them of the differences between cigars and cigarettes.

Are there other discussions/dissertations/arguments of which you're aware, or is this going to be one of those "when it hits the fan, brace yourself" type of moments?

My primary focus is to help my wife and family through this, but at the same time I know why it's been said that NOT living in the same town as your family is a GOOD thing.  This potential issue aside, I've got great in-laws who have consistently been considerate of our family issues.  This one, though, may prove to be challenging and I thought I'd toss it out there for advice.

Thanks in advance...   [cigar]

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#2
You know when my family recently learned I was smoking cigars the sh*t really hit the fan with their disapproval because on one side of my family there have been issues with lung cancer.

In the end I decided that instead of going with my usual `Well piss off, I don't even care if we speak` I did some research online and found some academic articles (I tried to locate them tonight but could not), as well as some other general information, finally i spoke to a friend of the family at a party who is an NMD (Natural Medical Doctor).

Some general information (Doc's website is pimp):
Nicotine Tolerance and Cigars - http://stogiefresh.com/journal/Cigar_Jou...igars.html
Second Hand Smoke and Health - http://stogiefresh.com/journal/Cigar_Jou...ealth.html
The Critical Difference: Premium Cigars vs Cigarettes - http://stogiefresh.com/journal/Cigar_Jou...ettes.html

Now it's important to note that all of those links cite good solid sources at the bottom where more information can be found.

What an NMD told me (btw: you have to become an MD before becoming an NMD):
1) He suggested that there has been research that points to the fact that Nicotine helps with higher brain functioning.
2) Use common since, if your smoking 3-4 cigars/day you are at much higher risk than if you were smoking 0-1 cigars/day or even someone who maybe smokes 1-2 cigars per week. Your risk is limited to the number of cigars you smoke.
3) For some people cigars may have certain positive health affects. EX: A chance to really relax after a long and stressful day or week. I know that for me, before I started smoking ~1-2 cigars per week my BP was averaging in the 190/87 - 181/85 range. Which is extremely bad and was supposed to be taking BP medication. Now that I have started smoking cigars my BP has dropped to an average of 123/66 with no other changes in my life style.

Now keep in mind, for me... I already eat healthly, I exercise regularly, I dont take any medications or do drugs, I don't regularly drink... I simply have an extremely stressful job and am also a full-time student. Of course, I'm not claiming that cigars will lower everyone's BP's and that they are 100% good for you, in fact in some cases they could contribute to a high BP and what not, but for me its really been a massive help.

Anyway, In the end I showed some of my family members what I had found, and what it had done for my BP and everyone is now ok with it... Some of them have even embraced it and have smoked with me.

You just have to remember that your risk is relative to how much you take in.

Good Luck!,
el Teck
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#3
Geez, I suppose having a meddling family and in-laws could be worse than having the feds do it like they are trying too now in Washington's current power grab.

First off, my closest relative, blood or marriage, is comfortably over 1000 miles away. Smile Secondly, they ALL know my reputation for being fiercely independant. They whisper behind my back, "his sore throat is probably due to cigars" and I'm sure a lot more that hasn't gotten back to me is said. Wink But that's alright. At least they all pretend to love me when I go visit, (probably because they want a free place to stay on their next Florida vacation) and I don't smoke cigars around them.

When any doctor asks me if I smoke, I say no. If you want to have a contentious conversation with a doctor, just tell him or her that you EVER smoked! Damn, the third degree, I tell you. All because I USED to smoke a FEW cigarettes daily 20 years ago. God forbid I reveal to a medical doctor that I smoke a couple of cigars a week currently. I don't tell them and you know what? They can't detect that I do.

Crowbait [pirate2]
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#4
My first recatioin would be to tell them "this is who I am and live with it".

But, what I have done in the past and present is to introduce them to my herf buddies. Once they see that they atr nice guys then they start to accept the cigar smoking.

In fact check out my thread in the herf section "The Great Parkster herfs at The Mum's House".

http://www.stogiechat.com/cigar-forum/view_topic.php?id=17216&forum_id=23

You will see I invited my in-laws over and my father-in law actually lite up a cigar. Big Grin 
They call me The Mum - Jimmie the Mum
Viva Mumcero - Mahk 12/4/2010 - http://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-20737.html
Honorary Shield Brother
Weak people seek Revenge, Strong people Forgive, Intelligent people Ignore
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#5
Jimmie the Mum Wrote:My first recatioin would be to tell them "this is who I am and live with it".

But, what I have done in the past and present is to introduce them to my herf buddies. Once they see that they atr nice guys then they start to accept the cigar smoking.

In fact check out my thread in the herf section "The Great Parkster herfs at The Mum's House".

http://www.stogiechat.com/cigar-forum/view_topic.php?id=17216&forum_id=23

You will see I invited my in-laws over and my father-in law actually lite up a cigar. Big Grin 

which is very true and shocking as well.

tell them this is your life!!
I started the sit down video.....The Transporter!!
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#6
man up[pimp]
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#7
It is unfair that cigar smoking gets balled up in this anti-smoking rhetoric.

I usually mention the following.
  • There is no TAR in cigars. The expensive fermentation process rids the tobacco of all the TAR.
  • 50 to 75% of what's in a cigarette isn't tobacco (& it includes urea). This is what is most harmful.
  • You do not inhale cigars(and on a side note, anyone who argues the inhale issue with: "what about tongue, gum & lip cancer, I usually ask how many people do they know who suffered from tongue, gum or lip cancer and what is the statistics of those with such afflictions who died of their disease?)
  • Then I mention how when I had my surgery my surgeons asked if I smoked. I answered cigars. When they seemed unmoved I asked if it was a problem, one answered: "I hope not, I smoke them too". They didn't even ask me to obstain the day of or before my surgery.
  • Finally, I mention reading an article that detailed a research project whereby they set out to prove cigars caused cancer. They followed 30,000 cigar smokers for 5 years. The study showed a slightly less than average incidence of cancer (attributable to statistical aberrations). (man I wish I saved this article, it turns out that the ACS arranged to have this buried as it was their funds that financed the study).

I then walk away. I am not interested in any rebuttal or argument as we both know the amount of false BS out there is significant and peoples prejudices are had to argue against.

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#8
Skipper has been awarded +1 Internets for his post.
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#9
Skipper, why on earth would you want to go to all that trouble and explanation?

[pirate2]
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#10
Some good ideas.  I doubt my FIL would ever light up since he's one of the ones who abhors any type of smoking, but this has answered a few of the questions.  I'll be reading more this weekend!
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