<![CDATA[StogieChat Cigar Forum - Jokes & Fun Stuff]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/ Thu, 30 Apr 2026 22:13:39 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[A Man on his Death Bed]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29512.html Tue, 13 Aug 2024 00:35:54 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29512.html A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"]]> A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"]]> <![CDATA[What's Forrest Gump's password?]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29381.html Fri, 16 Jun 2023 17:17:57 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29381.html



























1Forrest1   Tongue]]>



























1Forrest1   Tongue]]> <![CDATA[A Good Point]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29359.html Thu, 06 Apr 2023 18:58:26 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29359.html  An elderly  woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.
When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250. 
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"  The clerk told her that $250 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. 
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them."  'Well, they are here, and you could have." 
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. “We have the world's best entertainers performing here."  "But I didn't go to any of those shows."  "Well, we have them, and you could have."  
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.  After several minutes’ discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. 

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.  "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
 "That's correct I charged you $200 for sleeping with me."  "But I didn't!"  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

]]>  An elderly  woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.
When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250. 
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"  The clerk told her that $250 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. 
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them."  'Well, they are here, and you could have." 
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. “We have the world's best entertainers performing here."  "But I didn't go to any of those shows."  "Well, we have them, and you could have."  
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.  After several minutes’ discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. 

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.  "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
 "That's correct I charged you $200 for sleeping with me."  "But I didn't!"  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

]]> <![CDATA[Dreaming]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29344.html Sat, 11 Mar 2023 03:27:07 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29344.html [Image: IMG-4859-2.jpg]]]> [Image: IMG-4859-2.jpg]]]> <![CDATA[Choosing a Wife]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29313.html Mon, 23 Jan 2023 17:34:02 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29313.html A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. 
He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
  
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
  
Obviously, the man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

   
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


   
 ]]> A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. 
He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
  
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
  
Obviously, the man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

   
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


   
 ]]> <![CDATA[The Book Report]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29241.html Sat, 17 Sep 2022 14:32:49 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29241.html
One student turned in the following Book Report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His professor gave him an A+ for this Report...

Titanic: Cost – $29.99
Clinton : Cost – $29.99

Titanic: Over 5 hours to read
Clinton: Over 5 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there!

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her Gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember anything.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either!

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary. Basically, the same thing.]]>
One student turned in the following Book Report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His professor gave him an A+ for this Report...

Titanic: Cost – $29.99
Clinton : Cost – $29.99

Titanic: Over 5 hours to read
Clinton: Over 5 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there!

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her Gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember anything.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either!

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary. Basically, the same thing.]]> <![CDATA[Senior Sex]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29237.html Wed, 17 Aug 2022 16:36:27 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29237.html
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So, he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that wasn't an electric fence."]]>
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So, he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that wasn't an electric fence."]]> <![CDATA[2021 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From TSA :]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29234.html Sun, 31 Jul 2022 21:47:11 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29234.html Terrorists Discovered -  0;
Transvestites-   133;
Hernias-   1,485;
Hemorrhoid Cases -   3,172;
Enlarged Prostates -   8,249;
Breast Implants -   59,350;
Natural Blondes -  3]]> Terrorists Discovered -  0;
Transvestites-   133;
Hernias-   1,485;
Hemorrhoid Cases -   3,172;
Enlarged Prostates -   8,249;
Breast Implants -   59,350;
Natural Blondes -  3]]> <![CDATA[Blonde]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29228.html Tue, 19 Jul 2022 17:09:57 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29228.html THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."]]> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."]]> <![CDATA[Harley & God]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29217.html Thu, 16 Jun 2022 21:25:36 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29217.html Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter
told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man
and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can
hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I
want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the
one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing
something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and
pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he
said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied
God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in
few words and waited for the results. The computer
printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours."]]> Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter
told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man
and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can
hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I
want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the
one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing
something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and
pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he
said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied
God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in
few words and waited for the results. The computer
printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers,
more men are riding my invention than yours."]]> <![CDATA[The Lone Ranger's Last Request]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29161.html Tue, 21 Dec 2021 03:41:44 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29161.html The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.  

The Indian Chief proclaims, 


"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..  

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." 

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"  

 "What is your FIRST request???'  

 The Lone Ranger responds, 

"I'd like to speak to my horse." 

The Chief nods and Silver is brought  before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.  

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.  As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.  

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.  

"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."  

"What is your SECOND request???"  

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.  Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.  As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.  

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,  this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. 

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief  is again impressed. 

"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."   

"What is your LAST request ???"    

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,  ...  alone."  

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.  

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, 

"READ MY LIPS!!!!  FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... 

BRING POSSE"]]> The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.  

The Indian Chief proclaims, 


"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..  

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." 

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"  

 "What is your FIRST request???'  

 The Lone Ranger responds, 

"I'd like to speak to my horse." 

The Chief nods and Silver is brought  before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.  

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.  As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.  

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.  

"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."  

"What is your SECOND request???"  

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.  Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.  As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.  

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,  this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. 

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief  is again impressed. 

"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."   

"What is your LAST request ???"    

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,  ...  alone."  

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.  

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, 

"READ MY LIPS!!!!  FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... 

BRING POSSE"]]> <![CDATA[Doubled & Nayslayer]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29155.html Tue, 12 Oct 2021 01:16:32 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29155.html A company was hiring for a position and it came down to two guys, Doubled (Dave) and (Nayslayer)Larry.

The company handed both of them a very difficult test, and whoever had a higher score would get the job. 

Once they were finished, they were called by the hiring manager to hear their decision.

The manager told them they were both extremely qualified and that they scored identically on the written test, but they still offered the job to Dave.

Larry was visibly angry. 'What?!' he shouted, 'Why? We both got the exact same score!'

'Well,' said the manager, 'On the very difficult question #23 Doubled answered "I truly don't know the answer to this question."'

'Nayslayer, your answer was "me neither."']]> A company was hiring for a position and it came down to two guys, Doubled (Dave) and (Nayslayer)Larry.

The company handed both of them a very difficult test, and whoever had a higher score would get the job. 

Once they were finished, they were called by the hiring manager to hear their decision.

The manager told them they were both extremely qualified and that they scored identically on the written test, but they still offered the job to Dave.

Larry was visibly angry. 'What?!' he shouted, 'Why? We both got the exact same score!'

'Well,' said the manager, 'On the very difficult question #23 Doubled answered "I truly don't know the answer to this question."'

'Nayslayer, your answer was "me neither."']]> <![CDATA[Ben and the 3 Pigs]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29153.html Mon, 11 Oct 2021 01:08:22 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29153.html So he went to the 3 pigs house. He figured he could grab a piglet and have a feast.
The guy has no soul.
When he got there he peaked in the window.

Momma Pig and her three little pigs were sitting at the table. 

'Alright you three, you better behave while I'm at the store,' the mom said. 'I'll be back before you know it.' 

'Alright mom,' the three pigs echoed. 

'And remember, do not open the door, unless it's me! No exceptions,' the Momma Pig said. 

'But how will we know?' one of the little pigs asked. 

The Momma Pig thought about it for a second and said, 'I got it! When I'm back, I'll knock three times. Then you'll ask for a password. The password will be "I am eating peanut butter."'

So the three pigs locked the door as their mom left, clueless that Ben had been standing outside the window listening to the whole conversation. 

Thirty minutes after their mom left, the three little pigs hear three knocks. 

'Children, it's me, mom!' a voice appeared. 

'What's the password?' the three pigs echoed back. 

'I'm eating peanut butter,' the voice replied. 

'You could be eating crap for all we care Ben, we can see you through the peephole.'
Go back home and smoke a chicken.]]> So he went to the 3 pigs house. He figured he could grab a piglet and have a feast.
The guy has no soul.
When he got there he peaked in the window.

Momma Pig and her three little pigs were sitting at the table. 

'Alright you three, you better behave while I'm at the store,' the mom said. 'I'll be back before you know it.' 

'Alright mom,' the three pigs echoed. 

'And remember, do not open the door, unless it's me! No exceptions,' the Momma Pig said. 

'But how will we know?' one of the little pigs asked. 

The Momma Pig thought about it for a second and said, 'I got it! When I'm back, I'll knock three times. Then you'll ask for a password. The password will be "I am eating peanut butter."'

So the three pigs locked the door as their mom left, clueless that Ben had been standing outside the window listening to the whole conversation. 

Thirty minutes after their mom left, the three little pigs hear three knocks. 

'Children, it's me, mom!' a voice appeared. 

'What's the password?' the three pigs echoed back. 

'I'm eating peanut butter,' the voice replied. 

'You could be eating crap for all we care Ben, we can see you through the peephole.'
Go back home and smoke a chicken.]]> <![CDATA[Four Presidents]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29152.html Sat, 09 Oct 2021 22:40:28 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29152.html Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.

After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

'What brings you before the great and powerful wizard of OZ? What is it that you want?'

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: 'I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.'

'No problem!' says the Wizard, 'Who is next?'

Joe Biden steps forward, 'Well..you see...the thing is...Well... I ... think I need a brain.'

'Done' says the Wizard. 'Who comes next before the great and powerful OZ?'

Up steps George Bush sadly, 'I'm told by the American people that I need a heart.'

'I hear that it's true.' says the Wizard. 'Consider it done!' 

Then there is a great silence in the hall.

Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, 'You there! What brings you to the Emerald City?'

Bill Clinton slowly turned around, 'Is Dorothy around?']]> Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.

After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

'What brings you before the great and powerful wizard of OZ? What is it that you want?'

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: 'I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.'

'No problem!' says the Wizard, 'Who is next?'

Joe Biden steps forward, 'Well..you see...the thing is...Well... I ... think I need a brain.'

'Done' says the Wizard. 'Who comes next before the great and powerful OZ?'

Up steps George Bush sadly, 'I'm told by the American people that I need a heart.'

'I hear that it's true.' says the Wizard. 'Consider it done!' 

Then there is a great silence in the hall.

Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, 'You there! What brings you to the Emerald City?'

Bill Clinton slowly turned around, 'Is Dorothy around?']]> <![CDATA[The Mum, Evil & Ben]]> https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29151.html Mon, 04 Oct 2021 20:49:01 +0000 https://www.stogiechat.com/forum/thread-29151.html Three men (The Mum, Evil & Ben) were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

The Mum said, 'I owned a factory in New Jersey. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I said screw this, I ain't starting over, so I took the insurance money, sold the place, and retired to down here.'

Evil said, 'I had a big store, in  Philadelphia, a comic store. One night, it caught fire and burned to the ground. I didn’t want to go through all the work of rebuilding, so I sold the property, took the insurance money, and moved here, too.'

Ben said 'I owned a huge car dealership in Wisconsin. Two years ago, a major snowstorm along with 80 mile winds blew through and destroyed everything, even the buildings. I, too, decided to take the insurance money, and retire.'

The two others looked at him in awe.

After a few moments of silence, one asked, 'How in the hell did you start a snowstorm?]]> Three men (The Mum, Evil & Ben) were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

The Mum said, 'I owned a factory in New Jersey. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I said screw this, I ain't starting over, so I took the insurance money, sold the place, and retired to down here.'

Evil said, 'I had a big store, in  Philadelphia, a comic store. One night, it caught fire and burned to the ground. I didn’t want to go through all the work of rebuilding, so I sold the property, took the insurance money, and moved here, too.'

Ben said 'I owned a huge car dealership in Wisconsin. Two years ago, a major snowstorm along with 80 mile winds blew through and destroyed everything, even the buildings. I, too, decided to take the insurance money, and retire.'

The two others looked at him in awe.

After a few moments of silence, one asked, 'How in the hell did you start a snowstorm?]]>