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Okay, so I have a situation coming up that I don't quite know how to address. My fiance and I had decided to hold our wedding until the summer of 09 so that she could finish school and I could save up some money while in the service, after much debating that is- but we both agreed it would be best. The problem now is that she is now wanting to marry next summer but if we do her parents won't pay for her last year of college and the first years our marraige will be made even more stressful because of it.
I really wish I had stayed single but I'm afraid that I am 100% crazy about her and I don't want to get her upset and end it but I hate the idea of being in debt and I don't know how to address her. Also I am not even sure what I feel because I would love to get married next summer but I am worried about the financial (and thus emotiona)l ramifications...
any advise???
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True love has nothing to do with $ screw her parents and do the deed. Love conquers all!!! you will be fine.[italy][rob]
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Money will ALWAYS be an issue when you are married ..... no debt? ..... unless you have a bottomless pit of cash to dip into, you WILL ALWAYS HAVE DEBT of one sort or another .... mortgage, bills, car loan, credit cards ... its life in general, and then kids come along ..... oh the joy.
If you are both truly loved up, then the $'s dont mean a thing.
The 2 most important days of your life are: The day you were born & the day you find out why
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Just to play the devil's advocate here, what's the rush would be my question to her. Honestly, in this day and age being able to start life out without debt can change your entire situation down the road. If you wait a year does that change how you feel about each other? More importantly, it concerns me that you stated, "I really wish I had stayed single ". Are you 100% sure this is what you want to do? I'd think if you were truly in love you'd say to hell with the financial ramifications and get married ASAP if you want to be married. I hope this doesn't offend but after 6 years of training and another 7 working in the counseling field a statement like that is a flag I'd be forced to pick up and run with in a session! Ultimately, I think the real answer is you need to discuss your feeling with this woman and see how she tryuly feels after you've been honest with her and then decide how much sacrifice each of you is willing to make. After all, marriage is about compromise right.
Oh and now for the disclaimer, I am not now nor have I ever been someone who believes in the need for marriage. I lived with my ex for 3.5 years and was faithful and when that ended I was glad we weren't married! I'm 31 now and starting to see where I might be able to settle down but never would've done it before now and I'm still not there yet. Food for thought...
Good Luck, bro!
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Never screw the $. Ever. It's far more important than you think & will always be.
Talk to her, have her talk to her mom.
Is living together an option?
Sounds to me like her mom is being a btch. How the hell could she put such a condition on someone she loves? She is trying to control her daughter with $. That is pretty damn low. Does she dislike you? How does your gf feel about waiting to help you guys get on your feet financially.
Marriage is complicated. You will have so many hurdles to overcome, finances should be minimized as much as possible so you can better cope with the other millions of things you never saw until you tied the knot. Oh, it works the other way around too... there will be a million things that SHE will need to learn how to cope with.
Remember, this is about as true as it gets.
A man meets a woman hoping she will never change.
A woman meets a man hoping she can change him.
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With all do respect! You are young. Not an adult in some states. No parent likes a guy that is going to take their daughter off and sleep with her. You are young and school is $$$. Give it more time to make sure that's what you both want. I know tooo many people that found someone ELSE in the last year in school. Please wait, you have a lifetime. Good luck with your choice. T
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We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
Rob The Long Island Cowboy
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there will always be stresses in your life brother. be them financial, physical, emotional or otherwise. life rends the best laid plans awry.
if you have someone worth fighting for. worth fighting beside. then you're the richest man amongst men. marry her and count your blessings each and every day for tomorrow is promised to no man.
best of luck.
